Love of the Moon
by artemis-nz
Summary: He lives, and he loves in only the way that the moon is able. This is the birth of Yue. Vague Yue/Clow.


_He lived._

Through ice and wind and _moon_, he was bought into existence.

He did not know all this at the time, of course. It was only a long time afterwards that he knew of the magic of his birth. He merely knew at the time that, suddenly, terribly, he must open his eyes. Terribly because it was an urge, an undeniable pull. He could not resist, and it was at that moment that the guardian of the moon was born.

He must have been asleep a long time. That was his first thought, his first memory of being. I think therefore I am. That was what his Master often said, and Yue knew it to be true, because as soon as Yue thought, he became. With the first thought came a dozen others, fast and furious and making him flare his wings, his eyes casting around for a clue as to who had caused him to be.

_He existed. But why did he exist? For what purpose?_

It was cool, but not unpleasantly so. He rather liked the cold on his skin, making it so that he felt the sensations. He did not only think, he felt. Why then did he like the cold, a sensation that, he was made to understand, was often disliked by others? Because, answered his Master, you knew that already. You only needed to exist to understand it. And his Master was existence itself for Yue. His companion, born of fire and warmth and sun, was the sun itself it seemed. And he was the cold, detached and reserved moon. His Master, however, was none of these things, and at the same time was all of them. He was the stars, and the sky, and the universe. Literally, because only the universe could have brought life to sun and moon.

_Yes. His mind accepted this. Truth. He felt it. But why?_

When his eyes opened that first time, there was light and there was darkness, and the light and the dark blended together into shapes and colours that he understood, even though he had never seen before. A man stood before him. Master, he knew. One whom he would serve. His Master swayed on his feet, and his face was shiny with sweat. He was pale, breathing heavily. You were not easy to bring into existence, he whispered, his voice low and almost husky. Not his real voice, because his energy was low. This Yue could sense with a clarity that was startling. Why did you struggle so? Yue... his Master held out a trembling hand towards his face. Yue, that was his name. Perhaps his Master would have said something else, but Yue saw his energy give out, the aura flickering about him just before the man's feet gave way. He would have hit the floor, but Yue caught him before he hot the ground, his wings cradling both of them protectively, instinctively.

_Yes, I am Yue. But why is this? Why am I here? Why?_

Why. It was their favourite word. Why? Why do I think this, feel this, know this? Why does this work this way, and that work that way? Why am I here, what is my purpose? His Master answered many questions after he had recovered, each satisfying Yue, all of them small water-drops of Truth in his mind. The answers made sense, they filled him with a satisfaction that amazed him. He smiled, and understood that he was happy. Only one question his Master would not answer. You need to discover this for yourself, he said. For each person that purpose is different. I can tell you what and how and when I made you, and for what reasons. But you already existed - I gave you only physical form, physical mind. You existed already - I only made you _live._ And why you live is not an answer I am capable of giving you.

_Why? Why do I live? You who know so much, why do I live?_

It filled Yue with concern, although his face, impassive, did not show it. His Master, who knew so much... here was something he did not know. His eyes were deep and wise and dark with secrets, but here was one secret which remained hidden. He had to find out on his own. Why did he live? Someday, you will find out, said his Master. You will know, although it may be many years until that day. Yue promised to himself that he would wait, that he would one day find out this secret so dark that even his Master did not know it. One day he, too, would be wise. And do you know your reason for living? he asked his Master one day. But Clow Reed only smiled, and spoke in a riddles that Yue couldn't understand. At least, not then. I'm finding out why more and more each day, he had replied.

_Then there was more feeling. Why? I as yet have no purpose, no reason to be. So why this? Why now? Why for you?_

Time went by. Yue learned, his mind grew. His Master grew alongside him, and so did he who was sun, Keroberos. There were Clow Cards, gentle and fierce and laughing and happy. Keroberos was happy too, loud and joyous just as Yue was quiet and somber. Sometimes they got along well, and somtimes, the noise got too much for Yue, who would seek solitude. At those times, Clow Reed would find him and they would sit together, sometimes talking quietly of magic and of secrets. More often they sat in silence. Clow Reed meditated often, or simply gazed around him, always thinking, always learning. Yue liked these moments best, his own private time with his Master who awakened in him feelings that were new and frightening and made Yue feel elated and alone both at the same time. He tried to explain these feelings to his Master, who smiled fondly. You are finding out what it means to be, he said. Its love. There were many questions that came from this, and Clow Reed answered them all patiently. Yue didn't understand all Clow Reed told him. How could there be many different types of love? Why not just one, just simplicity? Why did things have to be confused and jumbled and hard to understand? Why could the world not just begin and end here, where he was happy? Because, Clow Reed answered, the world is not just you and me and this earth we are sitting on. The world is out there too, and you will see it one day. There are many kinds of love, because there are many people, each with their own unique way of loving. And beings that lived were capable of loving much and many, not only one.

_Why? Why can I not stay here with you, for always? Why am I here, and why can I not always be here, just like this?_

It did not make sense to Yue. He could not believe that he would feel like this for another person. There was only Clow Reed, and so there was only one kind of love. Clow Reed was only one person, and there was no other person like Clow Reed, for whom Yue was willing to feel love for. Ah, said his Master, fingers entwined in long white hair, but do you not love Keroberos? That is different, replied Yue, and did not say more because he did not have the words to explain. But his Master understood, and there was companionable silence for a while more, until Keroberos demanded that he be let in on the fun.

_He lived, and he loved. For now, it was enough._


End file.
